TechnocratTechnocrat’s Random Thoughts

This is made me some what famous on another site. You may have read this before as someone else trimmed it down and reposted it around but forgot to give someone credit…..hmm yeah me!

Again if you are offend my stuff do not read this! It is pure toilet humor, literally.

Since I am not a woman I can’t really say how it is in the woman restrooms. I have been told that many of the topics I am going to cover are excepted be behavior in there. If someone of a female persuasion would like to comment on this I would be happy to hear it.

Standing at a urinal:

While standing at a urinal there are a few rules that should be observed.

Rule #1: No looking around.
You need to pick one spot on the wall in front of you and look at until it is required for you to look down to finish your task. You should not be looking at other men comparing body parts like a sailor on leave.

Rule #2: No touching
At no time while in the restroom is any type of touching of another man acceptable. Even more so at a urinal.  All you George Michaels out there need to take your gay grab ass some where else.

Rule #3: No splashing
If you are at a urinal that does not have a splash guard then you need to take special care to insure that no splashing of another man occurs. Nothing is more disgusting that getting another person’s urine sprinkles splashed on you. Control your fucking piss.

Rule #4: Zip up then leave
When you have finished you need to zip up before leaving the urinal. There is never a need for you to be walking around with your dick and balls out. No one wants to see it.

Rule #5: Talking
You should keep talking while at the urinal to a minimum. This means small talk only if absolutely necessary. If you do not know the person next to you then there really isn’t a need to talk to him at all. If I don’t know you, I don’t want to talk to you, so fuck off.

It is never ok to talk about body functions or personal health issues. Telling someone that the bitch made it burn when you pee, is not needed.

Groaning, moaning, and/or “saying that’s better”, also falls into the no-no category.

Rule #6: Waiting in line
While waiting for a urinal to open up you should stand away from the urinal area. Standing directly behind someone should only be done if there is no other possible option.

If you do have to stand behind someone refer to Rule #1, #2 & #5 and apply them.

Rule #7: Flush
Flush the fucking toilet when you are done. No one wants to see someone else’s piss.

While in a stall:

While in a stall there are a few things that are few rules that should be observed.

Rule #1: No talking
There is never a reason to talk to someone while you are creating the Cosby kids. This is not social hour. Even more so while you are straining to drop Theo.  Wait until the episode is over and you are outside the restroom.

Rule #2: Flush
Flush the fucking toilet when you are done. No one wants to see Rudy looking back up at them when they enter the stall.

Rule #2a: Mercy flush
If while doing a Cosby episode it’s really bad then fucking mercy flush.  Don’t conserve water, conserve the air!

Rule #3: No speckles
If you have flushed and there are still speckles of shit in the bowel then flush again.

Rule #4: No SWAT tactics
When attempting to enter a stall a simple push should be enough to tell if someone is in there or not. Using SWAT tactics on the door is not needed. Also looking under the stall door or over the wall like you are looking for how many hostages and terrorists there are is completely fucking gay.

Rule #5: Do not over fill
While doing the deed you should know how much crap you are putting in the bowel. Thus there are no excuses for overfilling it and plugging the fucking thing up.  Use shit common sense.

Rule #6: No unnecessary noises
You do not need to make unnecessary noises or say things while doing the deed. Grunting things like “get out”, etc. is fucking disturbing. The shit can’t hear you. Whimpering things like “oh god”, “here it comes”, “I didn’t eat that”, and “I should use more lube” are also not ok! Humming and singing is also completely unnecessary.